I’m a coder, amongst other things.

I’m not a business type person, despite the fact that I have an MSc in E-Business, I’m too  much of a hippy to actually DO business, I hate taking money from people and I hate chasing them for it.  In the past I’ve learned that that I don’t have enough clout to sue people when they rip me off, and I don’t charge enough.

Recently I’ve learned that I can never charge enough if I’m coding for other people.

The problem here is that code is complex, very complex, and much of it is given away, (see Dan Pink, the Surprising Truth about what Motivates us, wait for the programming part).

And that’s a problem, because as an individual I can’t explain what takes time, and I’m often paid for my time, not my output, except…

…I’m paid for my output not my time, when the truth of it comes, because no-one seems to understand what takes time.

Because I code web things, I have to have to hand knowledge of at minimum, four programming or query languages, three different systems setups, two different operating systems, possibly across continents, etc. etc., all the paraphernalia that comes with coding, and people say “wow that’s intense”.  This is often followed by, “Can you just…”

No, I can’t.

I’ve been involved in coding projects recently, I took over from someone else who had left the code in the middle.  I didn’t know how much was involved, because one cannot.  I wasn’t given a proper spec, I wasn’t insistent enough about that, and I should have been.  I didn’t draw lines around what I was expected to do.  Given the amount of time that I’ve put in, now to the detriment of other projects, I cannot probably catch up with those projects properly.

Alright that’s bad.  But eventually, fixable.

But what isn’t fixable is that I do NOTHING else but code right now.  I don’t write, I don’t cycle, I don’t motorcycle with my friend, I don’t see my kids, I don’t work on my teaching material for next year, and I’ve turned into a HORRIBLE person.

I want silence in the house, (the kids are on summer break), I argue with my girlfriend, I argue with my ex-wife, I’m impatient with my boys, I’m impatient with my girlfriend’s kids.  I haven’t been to my roleplay club.  Basically I’m a moody fuck.

Studying for my MSc was easier on my life than coding.

I know this is a bit rambly and a moan, but you know, put up with it.

I have clients from years ago now that I still host, none of them paying, and I don’t even know what status their sites are at because I’m now realising that my American host  changed DNS on me a while back, and though they say there was an email I don’t see it.

So I have to go around changing this stuff, except that I’m going tom write and say I can’t do this any more, not “I can’t do this for free any more”, just I can’t do this, I can’t host, I can’t do code for people any more.

It does not pay enough, because no-one understands what code involves, it makes me tense.

To hell with the money argument, stuff the money.

Coding makes me tense.  Ten cups of coffee a day, (I had gone down a lot, except that Uni gives me a bad coffee habit), makes me tense.

I have realised, finally, that I don’t LIKE coding for other people, and it does’t like me.

I love coding, for me.

I don’t love myself very much when I’m coding, but when it’s for me, I can put it down and become a human being again.

Here’s the thing, no more coding for other people, no more hosting, no more horrible person.

I’m going to dedicate myself to teaching in Uni, and getting my PhD.  I’ll probably write come code for that, but at the end of it, I’ll have a PhD.  I’ll probably teach people to code a bit, but I won’t be doing it.

…and I’ll be a better, nicer person at the end of it.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2010/nov/08/rape-case-woman-appeal

I shall  be brief, as is this report.

It’s pretty clear that rape allegations should be taken seriously, both from the point of view of the victim, and the point of the accused.

It is entirely correct that such allegations should be taken seriously, sexual violence is wrong; false accusations of sexual violence are wrong.

(To my greater and greater chagrin, I have had to teach my boys that if they are alone with a woman they are putting themselves at risk; for a man to be alone with a woman who desires are thwarted is to be at risk, because an accusation of rape can colour a whole life.  This is not something I have personally had to bear, and I count my self fortunate, but if I do not alert my boys to the danger then I am being a careless father.  It should be clear that I’m trying also to teach them they must always behave impeccably.  I expect no less.)

What then is this judge thinking when he jails this woman for “falsely withdrawing” her claim?  Does he think this is justice?  Because I don’t.  Her former husband denies the claim, and money has been spent, fair enough, but these things are difficult!  This woman has clearly, IRRESPECTIVE of the truth of her claim, been traumatised.  She has divorced her husband, she maintains that she has been leaned on to withdraw the claim.  Where is the support?  She is being punished because the police CPS whatever cannot secure a safe conviction?  What a nonsense, what a twisted mess of priorities, what a sham of justice.

Whatever has happened to this woman, whatever the truth, it will take her years to get over, and if I were her, I would never have faith in the justice system in this country, and thus anywhere, again.

Here is the purpose of this blog entry, let us never forget this, let us never forget this travesty.  Let’s remember that a woman got sent to jail for this.

This is going to be a reactionary post.  It may not be well informed.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2010/oct/24/nasa-robots-on-patrol?CMP=EMCGT_251010&

So we have robots on patrol eh?  Well paintballs and pepper spray may be harmless, (though as I’m hypersensitive to flavour and smell it could quite literally kill, but I’m at the far end of the curve), but bullets are not, and it seems as though there will be a time shortly when robots are armed.  The Guardian says…

Before you scoff, however, take note that other, more fearsome robot soldiers are also on the way. Israel, for instance, is developing its own version, which goes by the name of the Guardium (no relation). This machine, which looks like an angry tractor, is being built by a company called G-Nius, and will also be highly autonomous, with similar features that enable it to move independently and shout at people. Indeed, it is reported to have been used on Israel’s borders already, and includes the potential for a live machine gun that can be programmed to return fire.

This means, to me, that there will be an autonomous thing on the surface of our world that we, we, have made, that has no moral value, no value at all except that of territory, that can kill people indiscriminately.

Why are we allowing this?

You see I know something about computing and Artificial Intelligence, (AI); one of the things I know is that the idea of intelligence combines many factors about environment, intent and evolution, and moral value.  This factors are not all present in practically any robot design today, there is only intent, and possibly environment.  On my undergraduate degree we were asked, once, to compare what we could do to what we should do.  For us it was in relation to security and banking; we saw that banking sites could be broken or invaded by many means, (This is why I don’t bank on the web, I do shop on the web), we could do that, should we do it?  No.  We should know about it so if we get a job in banking security, we know what the holes are.

This is known in the trade as being a “White Hat.”  There are “Grey Hats”, (In my secret heart I count myself among them, but I am not), who hack things and report them to firms because they like hacking things, but have no criminal intent, even though technically what they do is initally illegal.  They are more useful than the insiders working for companies directly, because they do things that are outside the system.  You can see that “Black Hats” do these things for gain, personal gain, or mischief, or any number of other reasons, but not for the benefit of others.

In this context it’s difficult to place these robots, are they programmed for the benefit of others?  Yes.  Should we be placing an autonomous or semi-autonomous device that recognises enough of its environment to kill humans in the wild, possibly with no intervention on the part of a human operator?  No.

No. No. No.

Some may ask, what is the difference between putting  soldier with a gun in the field to guard a stretch of fence and a robot doing the same thing?

Well for one thing, a soldier is human being with all the environmental, developmental, social and moral baggage that goes with it.  I know that soldiers often have to be, well, de-humanized, because it is a hard thing to kill someone, just to shoot someone is hard, that is why these situations are stressful, because being human is to be around humans, and to know and empathise with other humans, if we empathise too much we cannot take life, which is occasionally necessary, because there is conflict; but we have a duty to minimise this loss of life.  This stress, this reluctance of people to take life is why soldiers will often shoot away from a living target, (I can’t quote the study because I cannot find it, but this is not an academic article, so you will have to take it on faith.)

(You only have to look at a news article like this: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-10717185 to see that empathy and feeling fail sometimes.  The Isralis shoot at the Palestinians because the Palestinians shoot at the Isralis and so it continues, when I’m pretty sure that IN FACT most (99%) Palestinians and Isralis just want to get on with life, get the bins collected, do their shopping go to school, chat in a café without fear of getting shot or blown up.  There is a territory problem, don’t understand it, but surely there should be a better more peaceful way of figuring it out?  I know that people get very angry, anger leads to hate, hate leads to fear, and well, you get the idea…)

This autonomous machine has no morals, no values, no conscience, no empathy.  That’s fine if it’s just paintballs and pepper spray, but when it’s bullets, rubber or otherwise, then someone will die just because, well just because they were getting their football.

That isn’t acceptable to me.  We should all be rising up in protest, we should all be appalled, but maybe that won’t happen until this thing, having arrived with a whimper, goes bang, and someone dies at the hand of no-one but a machine.

_____________________

A little footnote.

Everything I have just said applies to landmines too.  The only difference is that they don’t move.

_____________

As usual I’m a bad proof reader, look out for missed negations.

I loathe FaceBook.

I suspended my account the other day after FB allowed people to sign other people up to groups without their consent.  FB already secure their information behind their Walled Garden, much to everyone’s chagrin; so advertisers and games get access to information but we do not.  This is breaking down, see for example this article: http://www.downloadsquad.com/2010/03/05/yahoo-can-now-import-your-facebook-contacts/ which is reproduced in other places on the web.

I actually did this, but contact management is a complex issue, and anyway, what I am I going to do, email 300 people?  No.

No, I’m not going to send out mass emails, (even BCC’d which it seems many people don’t know how to do, even companies), every time I want to say something.

Not many of my friends have me on Twitter, though a few do, and they don’t tweet often those that do…

Though I should say that most of my Twitter contacts are people I know or know through friends and I love to hear from them, they are web friends in a way that I have previously avoided.

(Let me just say why, as an aside.  I invariably have a female avatar or representation, see further back in my blog history for why; and I find that on more than one occassion in the past, when we were all a bit more anonymous on the web; after finding out that I’m a guy, some fundamentalist religious type has told me that I’m a sinner or some such.  This usually follows an ASL request which I always deny.  [ASL, Age Sex Location].  Often abused because I wouldn’t ever get into that, in particular I recognised that anyone wanting that before talking to me on the web was looking for a girlfriend; I’m not interested in that, and it used to annoy them that I recognised it and said so…  anyway).

Anyway point is that I’m not going to send a massive pile of emails every time I want to say something, I’m a bit crap at blog entries, though @iskandarv seems to think I should carry on, (respect to you my friend), and a lot of the people I know are not on Twitter.

FaceBook has become the killer app of social networking.

Now, Rory Cellan Jones seems to think that we should be owning our space because the mass of data that is collected about us even when we’re not on a given network, is so massive that any network knows something about us, and FaceBook is  the primary example of this as demonstrated in this article:- http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-11527201 How FaceBook knows your friends.

FB already knows everything about me.  If I’m not participating I’m not controlling my space.

I have the AniaKovas identity all over the web for precisely this reason.  I’ve even started a blog for it, mostly to do with my online MMORPG, (see http://www.perfectworld.com) which I have not done much lately because I have been, well, finishing my Dissertation and doing webby stuff.  And the Star Map.

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BIG ASIDE

Dun duh Daaaahhhhhhhhhh!

Anyone on Twitter already knows this, but I can’t resist, well blowing my own trumpet.

I got a Distinction overall in my Masters, with a Prize too, for which reason I’m still not clear about, worth about £800, (I’d rather actually have the £800, but the Kudos is important too, more important actually).

My Dissertation wasn’t that great actually; feedback is that it was innovative and sound right up until the conclusion where I trailed off a bit…

This was my analysis too. There are reasons for it to do with framing the conclusion in the right terms.  I wasn’t completing a report, (which was how I actually framed it).

Ah, there were a few practical issues as well, normally I get #lovelyGF to help me proof read, because like nearly everyone I’m a bad proof reader of my own work; but she had to be away at a conference that week for two days, and then later at a tutorial, (I still can’t remember now if she was giving it or receiving it); so I had kids and house and blah blah blah…

Oh well, these things are sent to try us.

Point is, I can always do better, and expect to do so because I have been around the block a few times, and know a couple of things.  I’m an indifferent student really, but I get better the higher up I am.

(So I left school with just three “O” levels because I wasn’t interested in anything else, went to college later on to do Five “A”levels AND work, but had to give it up in the second year because it wouldn’t all fit, failed Physics, Maths and Computing at Liverpool because being amongst people after two years in the sticks was just too exciting, and I’m used to breezing what I DO bother to study.  And undergraduate physics is BORING.  I grew up with book on Quantum Physics and have watched the changed as they have happened.  I can no longer pretend to understand all of it, String Theory did my head in).

I work hard at programming, because I never learned Logic until I went Bangor University and got a Computer Science degree, and realised that the thing missing from my life, and practically everyone else’s life was a good grasp of mathematical fundamentals; not arithmetic, which you are either good at or not, MATHEMATICS.  (Trouble is, I can do arithmetic, but the fundamental properties of numbers are not my friend, so I have to work hard at mathematics; but it makes computing so much easier, once you get #lovelyGF to understand that division is a sin.  Fractions are not).

Point is, the more educated I get, the better I do at it.

_____________________________

Where was I?

I am Ania and Friday.  Some people have even called me Ania to my face, but that’s really missing the point; it’s not offensive, but in life, when I am face to face, I cannot be her, because I have a face like John Prescott on dope.  It’s naturally miserable unless I am actively smiling or Laughing, which I do a fair bit unless I am programming.  I say “Girl Inside”, because she is an inner me.

Back to FaceBook.

Thing is, this practice I make, of owning my online space, I have abandoned it if I am not there.

The really important reason, though, the overriding reason, the one which drives me back despite my criticism and constant abuse of FB, and I do swear about it a lot, is that my friends are on it, and I miss being able to talk to them and know what they are doing, even when they are not talking directly to me.

I miss my fwiends.

So I’m going to sign in again.

So much for principles.

Hi my name’s Friday, and I, like literally billions of people in the world, am a drug user  I’m still using, socially and on my own; my girlfriend funds my habit, because I’m a student, (hoping for a job soon), I do it daily, and I feel bad without it, and yeah, sudden withdrawal is bad, real bad.  Strangely, my drug isn’t illegal, and it’s available in much higher concentrations that come in pill form, I don’t use those.

<sigh> I might as well drop the other shoe now, my drug of choice is Caffiene, yes, I’m an inveterate coffee drinker.  I’m dropping the other shoe here because this is after all a public blog and I don’t really want anyone to think I’m taking drugs as such.

Thing is, I’ve been a caffeine user for a long time now, and I say this, rather than “Coffee Drinker” because I do actually use caffeine.  And we were explaining things about drugs to the kids last night, and it got me thinking again about how I use caffeine.

These days I’m not up without a cup of coffee, made inevitably in a French Press, I don’t do instant any more, and not, without being indelicate, functional, (people over 40 will know what I mean), without that second cup.  It gives the old body a kick start in the morning. It also means that I have to be up and doing two hours before work.  I need that caffeine start, because as a long term user I’m always one under, I need my fix to function.  I am an addict.  The difference between caffeine and hard drugs is that I can , with sufficient provocation and mindfulness, regulate what I’m doing.

Effects

Oh you don’t want to be down the pub with me after six pints of Cola.  It’s great amongst students, but while I can still calm down and get in the car,  in company I am terribly nervous and excited; and the bad thing is that while I am aware of it, I can’t stop it.  I will say the most extraordinary things, (driven by my testing of comedy on my student and ex-student friends), simply because I’m hyped on caffeine.  (This is why I often drink fruit juice at the pub.  I don’t do alcohol at the pub generally because I’m driving.  Drive OR alcohol, never the twain shall meet)

That’s alright I suppose, it’s not too bad, but there are darker place you can go on caffeine.  I have Type 2 Diabetes, so balance in eating and general diet is very important for me, I’ll probably write  another rant sometime about how everyone is an instant expert of Diabetes, they;re not, but not for now.  As I was saying, diet, balance, control over that is happening to my body is very important; caffeine often takes that away, as an appetite suppressant it makes me not want to eat, but since I have a very sweet tooth, I have sweetners in it, which drive hunger.  I should give them up.

That’s now.  Most days I drink tea, because I’m rarely more than half an hour without a drink, after the early morning kick start, because I don’t actually want to be hyped up all day.

One reason is that once I’m like that, highly caffeinated all day,  I fall off the plank I’ve been walking all day and crash when I stop for more than an hour.  Really crash, falling asleep now crash.  It can take a whole day to recover from that.  Finishing my Master’s Dissertation was like that.  Still getting over it.

…and you can’t stop caffeine cold turkey if you’re vulnerable to it.

To show this I have to tell you that my dealer, when I was young, was my Gran.  I’ve been doing Caffeine since I was five.  She had some Camp Coffee with Chicory, and I liked it with a lots of sugar, so, since I was “favoured grandchild”, (don’t get me started in on how psychologically unhealthy that was), I got some every day, three or four times  a day.  As a child who was already very particular about texture, it actually meant that I ate practically nothing, but was completely hyper all the time.  I read a lot, I mean a lot, so I read fast!  Three of four books a day for years, and then out cycling and usual sibling rivalry.

I was also, very volatile.  For another time.

By the time I was eleven I was doing ten cups of Coffee a day.  By the time I was fourteen I was doing 15 to 20; I hadn’t slept at all since I was seven, though I had to rest every night for two or three hours at least.

At fourteen I was in the army cadets, and had been since I was eleven and went to a real army camp for two weeks up at Otterburn.  It was a rare privilege.  At this time I didn’t touch tea, but at this camp there was no coffee at all, as far I recall, at least I wasn’t getting any.  I was going cold turkey whether I like it or not.

At the end of the first week, I woke up on the Saturday, and in my little glowy withdrawal world, I couldn’t see anyone, anyone at all.  I couldn’t hear or see any living thing.  So I got dressed, and went for a look around.  No-one.

I heard a truck, I was in the middle of the road, so I had to dodge out the way pretty quick, as the driverless truck nearly mowed me down.  Scary.  Scary? I was terrified!

I looked around some more, and strange winds grabbed at me and buffeted me around, there was moaning and shouting as if from very far away, but I could see no-one.  I went to get some binoculars, and had to kick a locked door in to look around, but I put them back afterwards, (I lose things easily by just “putting them down” and then I’ve “had them in my hand right here and now it’s lost”).

I got some food from the NAAFI, though I had to dodge pans and stuff that were floating around.  Some landrovers nearly mowed me down, I learned to avoid the road, and in particular seemed to follow me, but I disabled it my taking the keys out, those strange winds whistled through the vehicle and buffeted me again.

…and then, most strange and scary, the winds caught me up and three me down on a bunk and tied me down so I could move.  I can’t even describe how scary that was, so I’m not going to try.

Eventually, because there nothing else to be done, I fell asleep.

When I woke up, there were LOTS of people around, asking very peculiar questions indeed. It seems I had spent the entire previous day hallucinating, hallucinating that all the people were gone.

Hi, my name is Friday.  I’m a caffeine user; but these days, I try to keep it down to a couple of cups in the morning to kick start me, and maybe one in the afternoon if I’m really tired, or on the road.

I know you’re all out there, I see you; and I’m trying to keep it that way.

I got what might safely be termed “A right kicking” datawise over the summer. Yep, the Geek lost data, had it overwritten/lost my work/had to crawl up to my dissertation supervisor and say that I lost two weeks work.

Let’s be clear here; I backup my data, it’s far too valuable to lost and I’ve been bitten before, in the dim and distant past when I didn’t spend money/time on backing up, I learned the hard way that you BACKUP or lose those pictures/data/memories/work.

In fact I often carry so many memory sticks around now, that my single enduring programmer joke is that “I pity the fool! that don’t backup his data!”

Where did it all go wrong?

Well.

There were a few factors. I have teenage boys who think that they are invulnerable to a drive-by, so they will occassionally go and download things without thinking, I’m pointing at YOU the eldest, yes indeed. They got two things at once on their latop at once, one just a nasty bit of malware masquerading as a bit of antivirus kit, and the other some kind of Zero Day exploit, a root-kit. Ouch.

I rather airily assumed that these were removable with the usual stuff, wrong! We actually trashed the hard drive ont he laptop looking for this stuff.

I plugged my Ubuntu rescue kit in, fine, no problem, except that it boots Windows too, and took the root kit, which got onto MY latop.

Ok fine, I knew what was going on then, but I was in the middle of doing the other laptop and didn’t disconnect from the cloud.

Oh woe is me, because I backup right, to the clould, a lot.  Really a lot.  Curently my main services are Dropbox, Mozy, Humyo, MS Live Sync (Wonderful), Google syncing, (when I connect right), Skydrive and a few others that are less accessable.  So I synched.  The way I sunch often involved putting my encrypted drive, because only a fool syncs unencrypted password data onto the cloud, and a couple of other files that maintain things for me.  Oh goody, I had my encrypted drive open, but it syncs anyhow.

So, because I had been away from my desktop for a while, (I my boys live with my ex-partner, but we get on really very well and I was on an extended visit), it wasn’t on, Live Sync didn’t, saved the work from two weeks ago at least, but I hadn’t backed up to a stick in at least that amount of time, because I was backing up to the cloud so I’m safe right?

Wrong.  Dead wrong as it turns out.

So,

What is the problem here?

It’s taken me a while to think about it.  It’s not the software or the hardware.  It’s not the malware and virus, (well, it IS, but not in this context), it’s a human problem.  I screwed up.

I screwed up because, like nearly everyone I know who actually backs up, and I do have loads of data that I don’t backup because it’s too expensive, so just the important stuff; I was being LAZY and “SAFE” at the same time.  Except that these two things don’t go together.  Especially in the context of data.

I was being “safe” because, I assured myself, I was backing up so I’m alright Jack, you peons don’t know what it is to backup, and I’m always going to come out on top because of it.  Oh how we learn humility.

I was being LAZY because I relied on non-volitional techniques to keep me safe.  I wanted it done automatically, in triplicate, silently witout hassle.  I wanted an agent to do it for me.

Now, what’s wrong with that?

Well, I lost a hard drive and 100GB of data for the family, and two weeks worth of my Dissertation, (for my Masters), that’s what.

Backup, at some point, must be volitional as well.  In the “good old days” when you had to actually put a floppy in to backup, it was volitional.  You didn’t transmit that Zero-day  exploit unless you were careless, unless you actually inserted that floppy.  Now, if you’re not careful, all you have to do is wait for the cloud.  And if you’re paranoid like me, your encrypted files can’t bec checked on the way in by your cloud service, or even your receiving computer.  You are well and truely, like me, scr…..

Anyway.

Point is, backups, real backups are a hassle, they will always be a hassle.  Take the time.  Use a stick daily.  Use two sticks, on every other day.  Do the grandparent, parent, child backup routine, because one day you will get hit by a Zero-day exploit too, and you’ll be writing blog entry about why it’s so important to backup volitionally.

The terrorists have won.

Why do I say this terrible thing?

Because Belgium have passed the law banning the Burka.

Now, there are a few things to be examined here.  First of all, my primary new source is the BBC, I’m trying to convert to Euronews gradually, as I think they are less US centric, and their habit of providing video without commentary is a good one, though also capable of biasing news.

The article from the BBC can be found here:- http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/8652861.stm

and the Euronews take on it here:- http://www.euronews.net/2010/04/30/belgian-parliament-votes-to-ban-burqa/

Secondly, the ban seems to be aimed at the uncovering of identity,

(BBC) The law would ban any clothing that obscures the identity of the wearer in places like parks and on the street.

Thirdly, let’s deal with my own prejudices.  I don’t like it.  I hate seeing people concealed and separated from society, as if I’m a danger to them, or they are to me; or as if my leering eye will lead them astray because I have no control over myself, (see my entry on femininism, probably just below).  I hate the idea that some control or old convention leads people to conceal themselves from the rest of society.  I like my western values, such as they are; this level of conservatism is not for me and I don’t like it.

Let’s put that aside now.

The counter argument is of course, that people can choose in our plural society to follow their religion freely, and in our society, (in case you’re reading this internationally, I’m a Brit and I have all the stereotypes and prejudices fully installed, for which I apologise; I try to apply my intellect to things to try and  counter the enormous drag factor of such thinking as “Channel fog bound, continent cut off.”), can choose in our plural society to follow their religion, personal practices etc. as long as no-one is harmed.  It’s a value, and we should remember that.  I value that more than I value my personal prejudices.

So what is going on here?

From my point of view there are two difficulties in this move, (oh and by the way you should also see this:- http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/8658017.stm 500 Euros, appalling), two difficulties I was saying.

One is that the backlash, which let’s face it we knew was coming, is that women are now being victimized as practicers of their religion.  I know of no religion that requires men to cover up as women are required to do, and therefore the victims of these laws will all be women, some of whom are going to feel terribly vulnerable as result of these laws.  And couching them in terms of “not having a hidden identity” just makes it a lame excuse.

And it’s lame, it’s lame because while we have no general need to conceal our identity, the law enshrines a fear, a fear that anonymity is dangerous, that it is not allowed, because be we have no right to privacy in public places.  It enshrines an idea, that we need to be afraid of people we cannot immediately police, (through CCTV etc.), because we need to be afraid.

It victimises women in particular, Muslims in a more general case, and in the broadest interpretation, it makes us all subject to government scrutiny and control, (or at least, inspection), because we might be terrorists.

Our, and by our in this case I mean Europe, laws have become so much more draconian since 9/11, 7/7 and so many other dates that are sadly meaningful in the track of bombings and other abuses that people have practised upon the world.

These laws, however do nothing to improve safety, but do everything to alienate and stigmatise a tiny minority of Europe’s population, and a majority of the population in the Middle East, people who must be looking on and shaking their heads in wonder at our “liberal” society.

I don’t like the Burka, but I don’t  like suppression, distrust, suspicion and racism a whole lot more.  MY values are that we remember that not everyone on this earth lives the same way, that we respect other cultures and value them, because humans need that “hybrid-vigour” that comes from having cultural values that differ.  As a Discordian, I don’t mind if people disagree, in fact, I rather value that; and I don’t want people to have to leave their culture/religion behind just because they are living near me, because eventually I will learn different points of view, and history that I know nothing of, and philosophy that is beyond value.  Let there be a rainbow, and let it be the colours of all the humans.

As usual, if anything comes across real right wing, then I left out some negation somewhere.

EDIT If you’re viewing this professionally, it’s not meant for that, as is any of this blog.  This entry in particular contains bad language, very firm opinions, and admonitions.  Nevertheless, tempting as it is, I’m not Bowdlerising it because it’s a piece of writing that proved reasonably popular among people important to mat at the time, and it DOES make the point I was trying to  make.  I make no apologies for it, but I will warn you now, that this is NSFW and you should look at something else.  As a piece of writing I’m proud of its rage.

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Yeah, get ready because I’m in a mood and I’m ready to give a polemic.

I’m a guy, and I wear skirts.  Don’t like it?  Fuck off then.  I’m not subscriber to the “put photos of myself on the blog” guys wearing skirts brigade, because I’m not interested in that kind of publicity, I don’t do it for those reasons, maybe you’ll disagree.

I don’t do it because my tag line says “Girl Inside, Just live with it.”  That’s not why.

There are plenty of reasons why I do do it, and I’ll get to them in a second.

Why do I have a girl on my personal blog anyway?  Because you’re suckers for beauty, never mind that this stock photo, which I purchased for this, is a good representation of an old RP character in a situation in which I would quite to be in, i.e drinking coffee while shopping, YOU the good old public like the feminine, because it our society’s conception of beauty, so I want that, and this is the closest I’m going to get, because I sure as hell won’t change my appearance for you.  I look like a huge bloke with correspondingly strong features and strength and bulk.  I don’t have to enjoy it.  I’m also, as far as I’m concerned, an intellectual, a philosopher, a Geek, (coder Geek), an activist, (Albeit that I spend very little time being an activist, with the one notable exception), a Dad, a Mom, and I use this term a a job title, though it is less ongoing as an activity now, and someone who wants to be peaceful and quiet and studious.  I find that all too often I have to be loud, assertive, occasionally obnoxious (hate that), bloody minded, and even occasionally downright stubborn.

I said that there are a lot of reasons that I wear skirts.  I am often asked, and as I’m a Discordian, and the reasons are numerous, what I reply often depends on the day of the week, or my mood, or who I’m trying to wind up that day, or, Eris forbid, even for religious reasons.  (Later polemic on Discordianism and philosophy I promise).

But there is no single reason, and because I’m in a difficult mood I decided that writing about it here would be a good idea for a change, so in no particular order…

Comfort

Who decreed that all men, at least in the west, shall wear bifurcated garments usually folded up up quite tightly into something that could tear a body in half, especially jeans?  *I* didn’t.  My comfort is important to me.  It’s certainly saved me from being kicked in the balls a few times by my small children, as the small legs get tangled up rather than being guided like a tiny booted missile to the most sensitive, apart from teeth, area of my body.  Thanks trouser makes society and fashion, on behalf of all men for having that guidance system in place.  I like skirts or other non-birfurcated, trousers have their place, but it’s not a bloody uniform.  I thought we were equal. We”ll see later how we are not.

Non-Violence

It used to be that I wanted a sign of protest at my pacificism.  I’m no longer a pacifist, but I do try to be a peaceful person.  I have come to realise that “Lad” culture has badly let me down on this one, I have seem women being far far more violent than I have seen any man being, except my father; try spending a few nights cabbying as I did 20 years ago, and you see what I mean.  What happened to us?  I know what bloody happened, we tried to become equal, and that seems to mean to modern people doing what men do, laddish things; binge drinking, threatening behaviour, (I am more often threatened with physical violence from women than I am from men, for wearing skirts and possibly saying “no”).  Violence towards me has never been acceptable, from man or woman, quit it; because the outcome is going to be same, one of two things, I’ll clock you one or call the police, preferably the second.  I’ve had to do the first.  Why am I attackable because I wear different clothes from the general population?  Ah, common homophobia is still acceptable is it?  Not in my book.  I had enough violence as a child, as an adult I don’t have to tolerate it.  I want peace.

And it’s not just physical either, I had a woman confront me in the street, at random seemingly, some years ago, and declare that she was going to take away my children right then and there because to was obviously an abuse that I was their dad and wearing a skirt.  I’m not at all ashamed to say that I told I would kill her where she stood if she touched my children, (I couldn’t run away or I would have; I was carrying one and pushing the other), so she threatened to get the Police.  That seems right and proper to me, so I just carried on shopping.  I never heard from her again.  (And this was ten years and more ago).

Equality and Feminism

Yeah, equality right?  Bollocks, there ain’t any.  Women are still basically abused in the work place, go look around, the glass ceiling is still there, the is still a 17-20% pay gap between the sexes doing the same job.  On the other hand, I know young men who have gone into child care who have been asked “why? Don’t you want to do a real job?  Isn’t it a bit weird to want to care for children if you’re a man? ”  Subtext, we think you’re a paedo so you can sod off.

OH my goddess have we not left the polemical time of the 70′s when feministas outside Greenham common threw Human Excrement at my Dad and me because he was a man and I’m a boy.  Have we not left the time when at 17 years of age I got told that as a man I was basically a rapist and that was my lot in life, couldn’t be helped but there it is?  (80′s for reference).

So bad enough that I’m naturally brown, and “Paki” was the kindest thing said to an intelligent kid who got beat up every day in school, and then got beat again for getting beat up; but being a man makes me a rapist by default!  What a thing to say to a 17 year old kid, I’d never even been with a woman, and there I was labelled.  Well you know something?  I’ve been storing something up that now needs to be said…

YOU TRAITOROUS FEMINIST BITCHES.

I feel better.

Why do I say this?  Why traitorous?

Because labelling all men in this way is a foul foul thing to do to women.  It disempowers them and sets them up to see themselves as victims.  From my point of view, it messages men that their role is about power, which let’s face it rape is about it’s many foul and hideous forms, and induces a fear of being alone with women, which by the way such caution I have passed on to my boys.  Just the accusation can ruin a man’s life and I have cautioned them that being along with any woman is a risk on their part too.  What a terrible indictment of our society, my experiences, and the legacy of a generation.

Women need equality.  That is clear.  It does not mean the homogenisation of society, though I can thin of few things that I would refuse on gender grounds, (personal care pops up right away; but for me I’d rather have a woman than a man, because I can talk about more things more easily, Look! An unequality!  But this is reflection of my personal experiences and not a broader generalisation about empathy based on gender).  But we are not the same, and don’t have to be.  We need equality of respect, opportunity and all the others.  (Three days sick leave without note, I don’t know what it is now, was bought in my the way for women, because men do not get screwed around with by major changes in their bodies once a month.  Foolishness to extend to the male half for “equality”, that misses the damned point, different people have different needs).

No, for equalities sake I wear skirts because eventually I found that I wanted to “walk a mile in their shoes”.

Break for a joke.

A feminist, old school ranty person, told me to walk a mile in her shoes; so I did, but then the policeman drew up beside me and said I had to give them back.  I was glad really, because they bloody hurt.

I wear skirts in part because I want to remind people that we are not equal, and that ultimately, some people are so busy looking at my ass that they don’t see me observing them looking at me.

Shame on them, shame because sometimes, not so much where I live now, because certainly before, people treat me as I’m deaf or Second or Third Language English.  I might be naturally brown, but I’m a Brit you moron’s;  I’m so smart that I taught myself to read, I’m doing a Master’s; I have written papers, I’m probably cleverer than YOU, so don’t ask formerly my wife, or now my girlfriend if I take sugar because I’m right here idiot.  I can SEE you pointing.  I’m just wearing a skirt.  If I was truely from a non-Brit culture, hang on, I can’t say that can I?  I’m in Yorkshire, there are loads of born and bred Muslims, Hundus &c. whose parents may or may not have come from abroad but as one friend who was asked her background recently “‘uddersfield born and bred”.  Still wears the garb of here religion and culture, by choice; no-one points and stares.  (Except kids, but kids do this, proper instruction takes care of this, parent better, I did).  But gender issues are so ingrained that it seems to be ok to point and stare and assume I’m stupid.  It isn’t.

I wear skirts because, and pay attention here because this is probably the most important thing I am going to say, if it is demeaning or wrong for me to do it because I’m a man, then our societies attitude to women must still be that it doesn’t matter what they do, because they count less.

There is alternative hypothesis which I regard as just as bad, and it is that Men must conform because we are not allowed out the the same straightjacket that women have fought so hard for so long to escape, and still not have.

If nuturing, housekeeping, childrearing were really valued, really really valued for the important vital social works they are then my mother in law, for example, and my wife’s workmates would never have said, “Why don’t you send him out to work?” when I was caring for a our little ones at home.  So that’s my value is it, safely at work where I can’t rape anyone, or be a filthy paedo, or bother anyone, just work 40 years and then die.  (This used to be the old pattern of men’s work.)

It’s not valued though, it’s not, we don’t value parenting, and Thatcher made it worse, because she thrust us into a world where both parents really speaking HAVE to work to make ends meet.  That’s no equality, that’s wage slavery.  Huh, I reflect now that I’m a student in my 40′s and £20,000 in debt to my studentness.  Because I couldn’t get a job when our kids were in school full time.

I wear skirts because we are not equal, we were never equal, and it should be daily reminder that this is the case.  Women come off worst, but they are not the only ones.

Feeling Better.

I wear skirts, because somewhere inside I feel better when I do.  I think it comes from bucking teh trend, from not conforming or obeying, or being “just a man”.  I’ve had a great deal of adulation for it, for which I am grateful, and great deal of abuse, which reminds me that we are not fixed yet.  But we don’t live in a broken society, there are many things wrong, but we’re ok, if we’re not ok, then why do a lot of people want to come live here?  We, as a society should be proud of that.  Notwithstandnig recent events, we can walk the street with a reasonable expectation of not being shot, mugged, mown down, or otherwise buggered about with.  (Oh thanks to Disney programmes, “Bugger” no longer semantically related to “Buggery” or I think you would say “Sodomy” now, because “bugger” person that bugs, affectionate in the states, “They’re cute little buggers ain’t they”.  I like to reclaim a word to innocence.  Spread it.)

I wear skirts because it makes me feel better, which is after all the only reason to wear clothes, (in the end), not for your titillation, so no pictures, no to make you feel better, not to promote YOUR feminist point or position as an individual or society, student unions take note, but to make me feel good, because I can do what I want in an equal society, as long as I don’t do any harm to others.  You have to question it though when some idiot wrote his car off on a lamp-post because he was looking at me.  How we laughed after making sure he wasn’t dead or injured. (Because we care).

Health.

I wear skirts because it’s healthier.  I’m still good and fertile despite the twin problems of diabetes and high-blood pressure, and the additional disadvantage of sitting at my desk ten hours a day sometimes.  Because MY testicles are not bound up in jeans every day, apparently a major health problem now.  Free and easy baby, free and easy.  Firm underwear prevents knocking about.  And no, it’s not frilly you fucking idiot.  Piss off, it’s personal.

Asshole filter

Basically the logic is this.  If you point and stare, you are either a child or an asshole.  If you reject me for a job because I’m wearing a skirt, then you are an asshole, I’ve worn skirts in work or at Uni for the last ten years, it doesn’t impair my ability to think,  (see the rant about equality above).  Wearing a skirt does not make me feminine so my brain isn’t going to overheat from intelligence or something, oh wait, women’s brains don’t overheat from education, reading or voting.  Amazing.  (Bear in mind that IN MY LIFETIME, women under 21 didn’t get the vote, men did; black people still suffered from segregation; smoking was cool and gosh yes I was called a “Paki” from ignorance at school because there were black kids and white kids and me.)

So next time, dickhead, that you call me “dear” beause I’m wearing a skirt, and patronise me, I’m going to have no compunction in turning the tables and possibly cause, as I have done in the past, your immediate relationship break up when your girlfriend realises that you apply these values to her.  OR for the women that shout at me the in street occasionally, I shall not cry for your lack of wages; get back to the damned sink if I’m unacceptable, and bring me my tea.

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If I have left out the word “not” and said something really right wing, then I apologise.  I leave out the negation when I am being sarcastic sometimes, and reading it back won’t help.  I am a bad proff reader for informal work.

I believe in equality and diversity.  I believe that even if I don’t like something that someone is doing, say in a social sense or a religious sense, they still have the right, and I shall stand up for that right.  I shall still value the idea that difference, difference itself is valuable and healthy, and that disagreement and discord is an inevitable part of human life, and that we should embrace it, because people of good intent can get along, no matter how different or similar we are.  I believe that Britain should be proud of itself, for we are a plural society, a place where people want to come and live, get educated, to BE.  That is something we all do, something to which we all contribute. I believe that we export knowledge and culture, and we should import culture too, and knowledge.  We should hold our heads up, because whatever the sins of the British Empire, and they were many, OUR society is essentially inclusive and embracing.  I don’t speak about tolerance, I speak about embracing, for we are all humans, and we all have human needs.

Music while you work.  Yes it is important,  I ususally have a big pair of cans on, partially because this means that I don’t have to put up with in-ear headphones, which are invariably uncomfortable, and partially because this is a sure sign that I’m working.

What to listen to?

I tend to favour either  deep beats, very regular and rythmic, or no beats at all, and definitely vocals are to be avoided, though that is harder with variety.

So although I’m an avid Radio 4 listener when not working, I’m into trance and dance and no beats.  I’m talking here here about things like Camille Jones, “The Creeps” (Here mixed by Fedde Le Grand, alright for jollies if you’re into that sort of thing, and wildy popular at the time. Sex sells, what can I say?)

It is in fact a commentary on office politics, and you can see how I might really hate that stuff.  Empowerment, truth and beauty in actions are what count.

Given this, when it came out, I looked for the original version.  Creative.  Here it is.

Propellerheads.  Yeah I know, Spybreak, Matrix, blah, blah.  No.  I came to it through “Velvet Pants” from an internet Radio Station.  Got the Album “Decksanddrumsandrockandroll.”  Get it.  Really.

Aphex Twin, they can be weird, no You Tube for you.  Good beats though.   Mr Scruff: Brilliant mixes, though I cannot listen to the Whale Song and work, too engaging, kids love it.  Fantastic Website.  Really. Quantic Soul Orchestra and Fila Brazilia.  Both wonderful alternatives to the munge spewed out on say, Radio 1.  What trash kids do listen to today.  (Ahem!  Parent alert!)  Actually, my kids are eclectic and investigative, I may speak about this in the future.  Also my eldest is a Bass Player, through pure simple interest, and a great artist already.  The boy is a genius.

Non English language is great, especially Salsa because I can’t understand a word, and in any event, it’s great great art.

Non-beats.  Jean-Michel Jarre and the Cryosleep stream from BlueMars.org typify this trend.  BlueMars, you can’t live without it.  JMJ can be complicated and require processing, so I tend to avoid it if I really have to concentrate.  I’ve been listening to his music for 30 years though and it never gets old.

For coding though, there is always blessed silence.  I have run out of time to blog about this further right now, but you can be sure I will return the this subejct in the future.

That’s right the snow is melting, the igloo has collapsed, and the road up top is accessible again.

I’m applying for jobs, and there has even been some sort of response.

Hurrah.